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  • kennardhwright

Looking for Love

Originally published 1/6/13 on Blogger

I was listening to a song by the group Brownstone called "If You Love Me" and thought about how I always wanted to be in love with someone. Actually, I wanted that love you share with someone special from the time I was a child. The idea of being in love with a woman was attractive to me and left me with a longing to have it, to be complete. I even had a dream once with a dream girl, as a kid, where we were in love and walking together.


Needless to say having a dream girl was romantic but it was just an idea or an ideal. Like so many others I grew up with an ideal of what love was between a man and a woman, but that was about it. I would sit around and write poetry about love and how I desired it but again this was something that was ephemeral, something just not real. This ideal many people have of love doesn't take into account what real love is, and what it empowers us to do.


As I grew older I would look to love in ways that were of course not too wise. The girls I would pursue were often pretty but lacked substance, and consequently were not compatible. And the girls who were most ready and or compatible for me I would simply have as friends. The kinds of friends I would share my life with without ever really realizing they were good for me. And even when I would choose a girl who was sweet I would completely look over other fatal flaws because I was "in love".


These choices continued on to college and beyond. I regularly made the wrong choice. Once I choose to date a woman who I liked and completely disrespected another woman who was right for me. I was basing my decision on a fleeting feeling and not on a possible lasting relationship, which is what so many of us do


Now don't get me wrong I did enjoy love but it was never really what I needed or even what God wanted. I guess it was because I was trying to decide what I needed, who I needed. I would never include God in my desire even though He wants to give us the desires of our hearts. To be honest, I just didn't even think of including God in my desire for love until it was lost, I mean, until I was hurt and love was lost.


Its funny but I was doing what most people do, which is to include God on occasion in their search for a mate. At some point I became closer to God and I realized that He did care about my mate but of course I continue to search for her. To this day I am working to turn that desire over to him and stop fretting when a woman doesn't have time to date or if she lives in Aruba and not Austin. I am working to trust Him in desire for love because, frankly, I don't have a good tract record.


I sometime thank God in prayer for my wife and describe her. I thank Him for her, that she loves Him more than me. I know some of you don't think God and love connect but really who else would care more? Who else would sacrifice so much for you, and why wouldn't He want you to be happy? Because of this I am thankful that one day I will find that woman I will marry. Maybe I know her today but I don't want to decide things based on my knowledge. I want to find a mate based on who is good for me, who can support my purpose, my dreams, and to do that I have to commune with God. I have to know want He wants for me. And so I have to spend time with Him.


The coolest thing now is that I don't have to fret and I can live my life. I don't have to worry about my age or how much I want more kids or how my wife will treat my daughter. I don't have to worry because a woman who loves God more than anything will have what I need if I am aware of where God leads me, and I too will be able to support her dream. You see, when God is the center of your love life He loves to bless you with things, and if you want a mate He will dangum bless you with one. The key is focusing on Him and not feeling alone, on Him and not your last hurt, on Him and not on whether she makes 100K. He is the key to love and your life with Him will have a positive, cascading effect on your life. Trust Him. Thank Him for him or her and when you meet them make Him the center of your relationship. Love is a beautiful thing but for love to be eternal love must be God based, Christ based....anything else is a crap shoot and will likely lead to a lot of angst and pain. Besides, when you trust Him with it there is a peace and certainty that you just don't get anywhere else.


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